The Ugly is Trying to Tell You SomethingToday’s Words of Wisdom Wednesday podcast episode is about the not-so-nice sides of us because there are tremendous lessons waiting to be uncovered behind every dark moment. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned as a result of conflict and my reactions was that my trigger points often had less to do with the other individual and more to do with unresolved childhood wounds.

Every couple fights or has a disagreement, but how you get your point across or react in those circumstances matters the most. Often times, our impulsive reactions are trying to tell us something about our own insecurities or unresolved childhood wounds. But in the moment, and because of ego, it can be hard to see the signs and behavioral patterns. Looking back on previous relationships and the lessons my ex boyfriends left behind, I can see how I attracted similar scenarios because things within me needed healing and a change in behavior. It wasn’t until I was ready to assimilate these truths that I could let go of broken relationships and unsatisfactory outcomes. I had to first become inquisitive about myself in order to address the things that needed attention.

I became curious as to why I cried, yelled, or became angry under certain circumstances. We’ve all been there – all of us are guilty of saying or doing things that we later regret. In particular, words have the ability to trigger negative emotions that I then display on the outside. What is said to me and the manner in which it’s done has the ability to bring up childhood memories that trigger feelings of isolation and negligence. These emotions manifested in an angry side of me when I was in relationships because not only was I unaware of how to address these circumstances, I was unaware of the cause of the problem. The “ugly” sides of us are not what define us, but rather what is trying to teach us something.

Today, I’m better equipped to react because I’m aware of my trigger points. Many times, I observe them taking place as if everything were in slow motion because I no longer identify as being part of the problem. I now see scenarios objectively and position myself as a solution so that if the “ugly” were to try and make an appearance, I can graciously turn that moment into an opportunity for growth, rather than conflict.