How You Fight Matters
This week’s Words of Wisdom Wednesday is about a chapter in my upcoming book about the lessons my exes left behind. I’ve learned that how you fight matters because conflict between two people is inevitable. Your significant other is going to make you upset and if he/she hasn’t yet, just wait. We’re human; we all get upset, annoyed, and hurt, but how we handle those circumstances makes all the difference. I’ve been in relationships where my ex fought to keep us together; his intention was always to find a solution, even though that sometimes meant a professional therapist telling us we should split up. On the other hand, I’ve also been in relationships with men who didn’t know how to solve an emotional-related situation. Everything doesn’t have to be a long-winded discussion, but when problems arise, it’s important that there’s a meeting point. How you get to that point is what matters the most. I’ve had exes that “got over it” but never addressed their reactions, leading me to believe they had resolved everything internally. Wrong. 

Two people are in a relationship, and therefore two people have to be part of the solution. Pretending an issue didn’t happen or doesn’t exist only surpasses emotions even more. The problem with not having the right techniques during an argument is that you’re more likely to repeat old patterns. And unfortunately, old patterns usually lead to an inconclusive end, unless two people have an open conversation about what went wrong/right the time before. This lesson hasn’t been an easy one to absorb until I began to develop my own set of skills during times of conflict. In this podcast episode, I give examples of previous relationships that taught me how important fighting techniques can be. Today, it’s one of the characteristics I look for the most because I know that a fight is inevitable at some point. I want to know how my partner fights, and I prefer that he has the courage to confront conflict because doing that is much harder than avoiding it altogether.