Ten {10} Lessons Grief Left Behind
On this day, two years ago, my life changed drastically. At first, I thought my life had taken a turn for the worse. I was headed down a path full of depression, defeat, and incredible sadness. As I was preparing to write this post today, it occurred to me that two years ago, writing a piece of this nature would not have been a possibility, not even a thought. Before I write about the lessons that the grieving process has brought me, I want to describe the relationship I had with my grandmother, so the impact her death had on my mental health is better understood.
Growing up in my parents house was not fun for me. At all. When they were married, they fought almost daily, many times to the point that cops were called to diffuse the argument. This became somewhat of a routine – pretty soon their faces looked familiar and I knew that upon their arrival, my job was to take my sister into our bedroom and wait for one of them to come in, ask if we were okay, and leave us with a sticker that was supposed to distract us from our reality. It didn’t work because I never kept a single sticker. Instead, I waited the entire school year to take the red-eye to Guatemala on the last day {literally} and return the night before school began. I did this every summer, never thinking twice whether or not I’d spend my time off with my grandparents. Our ‘goodbyes’ were always full of tears followed by weeks of sadness until I became accustomed to my new reality. My entire childhood, this was my routine. In Guatemala I felt peace, unconditional love, and more happiness than I knew what to do with. Being around my grandparents was addicting because when two people love you the way they did, you’d be crazy to want anything else.
This example I just mentioned of what my life was like for 30 years is only a glimpse of the polarity I navigated. In one country, I lived with a single mother who was upset daily that she had been left with the sole responsibility of providing for her two daughters. I was reminded of this on a daily basis, which never felt right. The words spoken in her home and actions taken towards me reminded me that I was a heavy burden. Therefore, my job was to tolerate anything and everything as a token of my “appreciation.”
My grandparents, however, were the complete opposite of everything in California. They always made me feel like they were grateful and privileged to be in my life. I made many mistakes, but their unconditional love never wavered. They provided, both emotionally and financially, without ever making a remark that would remind me of their generosity. I could speak my mind and not fear retaliation because they always showed me that who I was, was more than enough. They were the epitome of unconditional love, and I knew it. When my grandfather passed away, I couldn’t bring myself to go to their house for a couple years because I was too scared of the sadness the “new normal” would represent. My grandmother and I would speak about his absence, but never without shedding a plethora of tears. We provided each other with comfort and compassion in times of sorrow, and in times of joy. I used to avoid thinking what my life would be like without her because my imagination would take me to a dark place that was too much to handle, despite it being false. When my nightmare became a reality, and she suddenly passed away, I fell fast.
Grief crippled me before it made me strong. I spent months in a state of sadness that paralyzed me from head to toe. I barely ate, lost my will to live, numbed myself with endless hours of TV, and barely functioned enough to get through the day. I literally suppressed any and all pain until it felt like I could no longer breathe. Uncovering the lessons that grief brought to my life and recognizing what’s been underneath the pain hasn’t been easy, but it was necessary. It’s been a painful process, but it essentially resuscitated me back to life.
Here are the ten {10} lessons I’ve learned from grieving the death of my grandmother:
- Pain is more purposeful than pleasure ever will be.
- Genuine & profound human connections have a lifelong impact on our soul.
- There’s a mysterious correlation between life lessons & timing.
- Every single human being {good or bad} is here to teach us, show us, or enlighten us.
- Surviving extreme pain, grief & sadness made me fearless.
- Experiencing debilitating sorrow showed me people’s true essence.
- Many people are not comfortable with vulnerability because they’re not ready to uncover aspects about themselves; it has nothing to do with you.
- Finding meaning and purpose behind difficult circumstances is an art and skillset that many have no interest in acquiring.
- Unconditional love feels like oxygen and therefore, it’s the greatest gift we can give.
- The impact an individual can have on your life is a serious matter, so choose wisely.
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